From the Toolshed

Tips for truly practical parenting!

Helen and I have been parents for a year. For some reason it doesn't seem to have been that long. In this short period of time we have learned a lot about ourselves as individuals, and as a team of teachers passing on valuable information to Kendra.

Right then enough bollocks. As a new parent there are a number of things that you will never be prepared for. Nothing your parents tell you is relevant to your situation, and who really cares what your siblings, or you, were like at the same age. Every child is different. After all we have a smacking law now, something our parents didn't have. An acquaintance of mine recently described to me the art of breast-feeding while reading a book and having a smoke. Crikey, the older generation. So I have listed a few things, in no particular order, that are worth serious consideration for parents, and probably new parents.

A cup of coffee can be re-heated many times during the day.
A smelly nappy can make you wretch. No matter what other people tell you.
Always look up when reaching down to get something at a lower level at your changing table.
Sex is not always what it was.
Sex is sometimes better than it was.
There is no such thing as spare time.
Golf handicaps do eventually come back down.
There is only one direction for poo in a car seat.
The camera no longer has dust on it. And you are probably on first name terms with your photo developer.
The high chair can often be the first piece of gym equipment.
There is no such thing as impulse buying. Yeah right!!
Children eventually learn by their mistakes.
Safety catches work really well for the first month.
Don't use a doll off the shelf in any shop as a pacifier!
A weekend away requires real in depth planning.
Have you heard of the term lateral thinking?
Babies can't breath underwater.
Remember when you could afford an overseas holiday?
Newborn babies are always hungry when you are least prepared.
Never forget your nappy bag.
There is not a band-aid small enough the cover the incision at the end of the finger of a three-month-old when you slip trimming finger nails. ( The blood flow does eventually stop)
At 13 months toddlers can imitate speech. So start to forget some of those nursery rhymes that you learnt as an adolescent and can still remember. And other colloquial terms.
Babies love air travel. Their parents don't often share this enthusiasm.
DVD rental is less expensive than a baby sitter.
A baby sitter allows parents to re-visit their youth. Albeit briefly.
Every help book you buy has a different help. Funny that.
No one has written a book called "Parenting for dummies". Think about it!
Nappy brain is real. There is just nothing to prescribe for it.
Actually, someone has written a book called "Parenting for dummies". DOH!
Remember when you didn't have a clothes drier, and why you didn't get one sooner.
Grandparents absolve themselves of diaper changing responsibilities.
It only takes 2 hours of walking for a 13 mth old to find the land of nod
The "Friends of the zoo" pass is more valuable than you could ever possibly imagine
Hungry geese can run faster than a toddler with bread
Toddlers have a varied diet. Be prepared for daily changes
By the way, the bread is really for the geese and ducks. Isn't it?