Being a Teenage Mum and Expecting Baby Number Two

Two recent phone calls and a text message on my mobile prompted me to think and write about the issue of being a teenage parent and finding yourself pregnant again.

Two recent phone calls and one text message on my mobile prompted me to think and write about the issue of being a teenage parent and finding yourself pregnant again. In a number of ways it is has the same joys and issues older mothers do have but there are also some differences. The biggest difference is that judgmental attitudes towards these young women will doubly increase and there are many stories they could share with very sad examples. It does all of us good to remember that we have no idea of the circumstances a second pregnancy occurred and it is not for us to judge but support these young women who courageously face up to parenting another baby under often very difficult circumstances, mostly alone, but are doing a wonderful mothering job. Look at the photos in this article and see what a credit these babies are to their teenage mums.

Gemma is due in 6 weeks with baby number two. This was another unplanned pregnancy and it took Gemma quite a while to come to terms with it. This time her father, her only support, has cut off any communication with her and she is relying on friends for support. Paige, her little girl, is one year old and walks like a champion and Gemma is worried about how Paige will react to all of this, as well as worrying if her money will stretch to include another baby. She has been trying to buy a second hand twin stroller but it is too expensive. She is saving up for it.

The good news is that Gemma just heard that a cousin can come and live with her for a few weeks to take care of Paige when Gemma goes into labour.

Sarah is in a similar situation as Gemma but is able to live at home with a very supportive family. She is so grateful for the support and it enables her to attend the local young parenting school. She is hoping to finish her NCEA levels (6th form equivalent) before the baby is due. She also is concerned how Michael will handle the new baby and as funny as it may sound Sarah is also thinking that at this rate with two babies in her life she will never find a husband. What could she do about that?

When I had my second baby, William, even though he was a settled friendly baby who fed relatively predictably I did find a few times where I felt I could no longer cope. I refused to ask for help because I thought I was somehow failing particularly as a teenage parent, seeing as my children were so good and easy to care for compared to other babies (my first being a perfect angel 90% of the time) until my younger brother said to me even though my children were not disabled, were not screamers, did not wake every two hours during the night, did not have reflux or colic etc... (you get the picture) that did not make me any less of a parent for not coping as my first baby was all I had to base babies on and my second baby was harder than my first baby, therefore being the hardest and most stressful kind of child I'd ever had to deal with, it was ok for me to feel that way. So I asked for help, which made all the difference in the world.

Hannah with James(3) and William(1)

Having another baby - some helpful hints received via the teen mums email list:

Accept as much support and help as is being offered
Be willing to spend less time on you and more one-to-one time with each child
You might feel doubly guilty - don't, you are the best Mum you can be with your children
You don't have to be super women just because everyone looks doubly hard to see you fail. (You can't change peoples thinking, they always 'think' you will be failing because you are so young)
Establishing routines with your first child before the other baby arrives will make it so much easier, as then the first child will know what to do and what is coming next
Involve other into those routines so they understand them and can carry them through for you when you are too busy with the new baby. This includes friends, grandparents and extended family
Enjoy and have fun picking out another baby name
Think how special it is that you are giving your first child a friend who shares the same history and background as him or her
And also that your first child is going to become a big sister or brother, which is a special milestone
Ask friends and relatives to be sensitive and understanding to your first child's needs and they might like to spend some time talking to him/her rather than focusing on the baby. Instead of bringing a present for the newborn baby it may be appropriate to bring one for the older child
If your first child yells he/she wants the baby to go back, just remember he/she means the baby would disappear sometimes or it is a way of expressing to you how hard it is to adjust. Your first child is as special and lovely as ever, but everyone needs to adjust to the baby. Express often that you love him/her and spend some one-to-one time just cuddling or reading a book together. Sometimes it also helps if your first child can be in 'charge of the baby'. Your first child could let you know when he/she thinks the baby needs a feed. No child, given this responsibility, would allow the baby to cry for long and feeling the pleasure to have had this responsibility and that 'Mum trusted me' can bring more loving feelings towards the baby.

Feel free to share your thoughts and other helpful experiences about this topic and email it to: